A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
