This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
