If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
