First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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