Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
