I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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