Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think my moral compass just broke
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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