She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
