It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
