ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
