and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
