Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
