seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
