I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
