he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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