you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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