after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I believe in your delicious
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
