there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
