well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
