I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
