Can Purell be used as lube?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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