I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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