Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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