One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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