There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
