am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
