I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
