They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
