Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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