Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
