Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
