His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
