I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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