Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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