Me too!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
