Will you blow on my dice?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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