doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
