After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
