just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
