I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
