So drunk its hurt
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
