This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
