My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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