My hand turned me down
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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