Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
