Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Then you guys just all showered together...?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
