im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
