I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
