you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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