oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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