I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She bit a glass in half.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
