He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
