I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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