So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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