Define "chronic" masturbator.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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